Friday, November 4, 2011

Fabulous Fitness by Me

{possibly some of the ugliest boots you'll ever see}

Alright, alright. Calm down. I know the boots are ugly but, these boots are also magical. You didn't guess that did you? They could quite possibly be a new world wide phenomenon.

How many of us are completely 100% happy with our body image 100% of the time? If you are, just go away now and come back later. This post has nothing for you. 

I figured out a fabulous set of fitness tips for those of us that struggle to shed those extra unwanted pounds. Interested? Well then let's get started!

Step 1: Dress appropriately for being outside in an English November's weather. This will mean layers, not too thick but not too thin. Sensible water resistant or waterproof shoes. They must be the biggest, heaviest things you can root out and stomach wearing on your feet. 

Step 2: Drive to the nearest large retailing area that's spread over a minimum of 5-6 city blocks and park up. Don't forget to pay and display if you must! No sense in getting a ticket for a work out. 

Step 3: Make things time pressured for yourself and only give yourself 2 hours. If you're not good at mentally pressuring yourself for no reason, make sure to schedule an appointment for the time you expect to finish. That way you will look totally stupid if you're running late or miss it after reassuring your spouse that "of course you're not trying to fit too much in for the morning".

Step 4: Proceed to as many stores as possible, as quickly as possible, and try on as many winter coats as you feasibly can. Go out of your way to find the stores that are really blasting their heat full on. Don't forget to take photo's of yourself in the mirrors along the way to motivate you to stay dedicated to shedding those extra pounds. 

Step 5: Push your luck as far as you possibly can. Don't watch the time closely enough and only leave yourself 5 minutes to cover the 15 minute walking distance to get back to your car before your parking expires. That will just about guarantee you'll have to truly leg it to make it on time. You should really feel the burn from your makeshift ankle weights by now. You should also have sweat pouring down in uncomfortable sheets in inappropriately embarrassing places. Bonus tip: If you're a really advanced athletic type you might want to boost the cardio impact of this part by making sure you've selected a car park that's uphill from all your shopping targets. By the time you reach your car, you should be huffing and puffing with a cherry red face as your newest accessory. Forget that gentle ladylike flushed look. Cherry faced is way more in now a days. 

Step 6: Cancel that pesky and expensive gym membership confident that now, you have a much more focused and practical way to spend that money for yourself while still getting the same results. 



  1. And you had some lovely seafood etouffe ready for you when you got home :)

  2. YES and YES. I support cardio shopping in any form. I do it when I go to the grocery store. I intentionally have my list in disarray so I have to run back and forth!

  3. I wish I could claim that as my reason for running back and forth in the grocery store. Truth is, I go without a list. I have a mental list of necessities and then I do some wild flying by the seat of my pants action. I take in what looks the freshest and best in the produce and then make mental meals out of it right there on the spot. It's not the smoothest or prettiest scene to watch I'm sure. In fact, there's a cafe above that looks out over the grocery store and I'm sure it might even have some comedic value for the diners.

  4. Man, you are funny! Great post. Yes, I do cardio shopping all the time LOL and I don't have a car so carrying bags around and till home burns double amount of calories ;)

  5. I would NEVER make it home. The nearest awesome shopping is about 10 miles from me. I'd be one of those lumps you see on the side of the road, unsure of what it once was but definitely uninterested in finding out if it's still alive or dead. Because of that, you're now one of the true unsung workout hero's for me. You will go down in my families history as a great and mighty legend. ;) xoxo

  6. Thats a very convenient thing to do:)
    and hi rachel! i am so sorry for getting back to you so late.i had problems with commenting on blogs.Thank you lots for checking out my blog and i really appreciate your sweet comments.So i finally can tell you that i find your blog lovely and i'm about to be your newest follower.