Wednesday, December 14, 2011

How Lucky Am I


Today, I'm going to pretend that no one reads my blog. Otherwise, I don't know if I can do this post.

After I moved, I started using blogging as a filler for all the friends I lost daily interaction with. I hoped I would be able to connect with new people through it and I have. I feel lucky to have found some really great friends. I've also wanted to use this blog to push myself outside of my comfort zone and that means being honest, open and at times being vulnerable. 

I lost a really great friend recently. I didn't get to say goodbye or go to the Memorial service and now, I just can't shake the whole thing.

I don't think it would be enough but I can't help thinking, "If I could just sit down with him and have one more conversation." Well, I can't. So this will have to do. 

Julius, I can't even begin to tell you how lucky I feel that I got to know you. You were one of the smartest, kindest, generous and funniest people I've ever met. Every time you came into the lab, everyone would throw their hands in the air and a chorus of "Juliuuuuss!" would ring out. That was the kind of joy you carried with you. You would have us all cracking up in no time. And your laugh! I think that was the best laugh that has ever been handed out in all history. It was deep, melodious and beyond infectious. I can not tell you how sad it makes me that I will never get to hear that laugh again. I will remember forever how all of us huddled in the employee lounge, behind a closed door, eating lunch, and laughing so hard that someone would have to come in and let us know we were disturbing the whole building. That, takes some special comedic talent. You lived an amazing life and I could never wait to see what you were going to do or say next. I hope that this finds you somehow. Know that you will always be loved by all of us and that we're all very aware of just how lucky we've been to know you. 

To my readers and friends, thank you. I can't tell you how much I've appreciated your friendship and support.

xoxo

16 comments:

  1. Rachel, these are beautiful words. I'm sure your friend will appreciate them wherever he may be.
    And even though we'r just blogging pals, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Hope you'r surrounded by love in this difficult time.
    xoxo Diana

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  2. This must have been one tough entry to write, but it came out beautifully and so meaningful. I am truly truly sorry for your loss but always know that that person will always be in your heart no matter where they are. Hang in there OK? [HUGS]

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  3. Thank you. I hope wherever he is, he's sharing his laugh with everyone. There'd be no better gift to everyone around.

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  4. It really is strange having things like that happen when you're so very far away. I understand. I hope you found comfort in writing about it. I'm sure he knows, somehow.

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  5. I'm sorry Rachel, that you lost someone so dear to you. I hope you can find some closure as some point, but for now, just remember him, I like to think this honors the souls we've lost.

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  6. This post is so touching, and I hope you've gotten some small comfort out of writing it all down and sharing it with us.

    www.chillairandperfume.blogspot.com

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  7. It might be weird but I think our loved ones are still with us in some form or fashion. I like to think that because he worked in the computer field and internet stuff was sort of his life's blood, he see's this. Thank you for the support.

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  8. It feels better having gotten it off my chest. It feels almost like I've actually gotten to sit down and say it to him and that makes me feel a lot better.

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  9. What a beautiful post. I am so very sorry for your loss. Julius sounds like he was truly an amazing person and wonderful friend.

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  10. *huge hug* There is nothing I can say or do to make your pain go away. All I can do is listen. So, anytime, you just let me know.

    RIP Jullius. You are missed and truly loved.

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  11. Rachel, I am sorry to hear about your loss. Julius sounds like a wonderful person. It's best to keep his memory alive.

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  12. Thank you Jen. That's very sweet of you.

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  13. Thank you Laura. He really was a wonderful person.

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  14. You know I'm here, whenever you grief finally comes around. Julius seems like such a cool guy and I'm sure he would love the memorial image you created for him.

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