I have been having some amazing dreams. AMAZING I tell ya'. I hate talking about dreams. What's more, I hate listening to other people's dreams. They're often just weird, nonsensical and often disturbing jibber. And yet these were awesome for me. Two nights ago, I had a dream that I was Audrey Hepburn, being asked to wear a Prada original to my latest movie premiere. Not bad right? I mean I can see how it'd be bad if I was some sort of homophobic, extreme-introverted, male jock in real life. But I'm not. I'm a woman who loves fashion, vintage, and has a love for the Arts. That was great.
And then today while I was napping, (Yeah, my life is hard. I know.) I dreamt I was in a competition to be an assistant stylist that works with Garance Doré. The unfortunate part, was that I was trying to put together my entry for submission, while staying at a ski lodge as part of a security detail for a vampire couple who I was somehow related to. My current duty was to dog sit but someone at the lodge kept trying to set the place on fire. Yeah. See what I mean? Weird, nonsensical and even a bit disturbing. I was actually bummed when I woke up and discovered the stylist competition wasn't real. I blame the Vampire bit on a series I just finished called "Elemental Mysteries".
For my readers, I recommend a pass on this one. That's why I'm not going to even include a link to the series. I don't like to dash people's bubbles and I won't provide any spoilers in case any of you do decide to venture into them. I will however be honest and say, I literally felt myself get dumber from reading them. I was sucked in by 100's of 5 star reviews. The readers had to have been on crack. There's no other explanation. I only finished the series because I'm neurotic enough that I HAD to see what happened to the bad guy in the end. I can be big enough to at least say, "thank you" to the author for touching on enough subjects that I know nothing about, to light my intellectual curiosity. I have to redeem myself somehow. I have to learn something to compensate for the brain cells the series killed off.
Remember the real-life cray cray I mentioned? This isn't the actual text convo I had with my husband but it's the general gist:
Me: "I was just at the Farmers market stall, picking out items from the stall. An old couple just about attacked me over a chicken."
Him: "What? Why?"
Me: "I don't know. They weren't near it. They were standing back from the stall talking to each other when I approached. I couldn't understand a word they were saying but then there was spitting and hands flailing in my direction."
Him: "What did you do?"
Me: "I made devil horns with my fingers and stuck my tongue out at them. What do you think I did? I smiled at them, rolled my eyes at the cashier when I turned my back on them, bought my chicken and ran."
Him: "Oh. Well, at least you're away from them now right?"
Me: "True. But now, there's a flock of shoplifters being chased around me by a security guard."
Him: "Where the hell are you?!"
Me: "The grocery store. I have no idea what's going on. I just want to get my groceries and go home now."
And ladies and gentlemen, that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's a crazy world out there. Please tell me I'm not the only person this stuff happens to.