Sunday, August 4, 2013

Not A Real Blog Post...Just A Bunch Of The Random

Ok so there are a ton of things that I appreciate in the world but then there's the crazy. Just flat out crazy. And I feel compelled to share all the crazy, both the real and the stuff that's just in my head, with all of you. Aren't you thrilled?

I have been having some amazing dreams. AMAZING I tell ya'. I hate talking about dreams. What's more, I hate listening to other people's dreams. They're often just weird, nonsensical and often disturbing jibber. And yet these were awesome for me. Two nights ago, I had a dream that I was Audrey Hepburn, being asked to wear a Prada original to my latest movie premiere. Not bad right? I mean I can see how it'd be bad if I was some sort of homophobic, extreme-introverted, male jock in real life. But I'm not. I'm a woman who loves fashion, vintage, and has a love for the Arts. That was great.

And then today while I was napping, (Yeah, my life is hard. I know.) I dreamt I was in a competition to be an assistant stylist that works with Garance Doré. The unfortunate part, was that I was trying to put together my entry for submission, while staying at a ski lodge as part of a security detail for a vampire couple who I was somehow related to. My current duty was to dog sit but someone at the lodge kept trying to set the place on fire. Yeah. See what I mean? Weird, nonsensical and even a bit disturbing. I was actually bummed when I woke up and discovered the stylist competition wasn't real. I blame the Vampire bit on a series I just finished called "Elemental Mysteries".

For my readers, I recommend a pass on this one. That's why I'm not going to even include a link to the series. I don't like to dash people's bubbles and I won't provide any spoilers in case any of you do decide to venture into them. I will however be honest and say, I literally felt myself get dumber from reading them. I was sucked in by 100's of 5 star reviews. The readers had to have been on crack. There's no other explanation. I only finished the series because I'm neurotic enough that I HAD to see what happened to the bad guy in the end. I can be big enough to at least say, "thank you" to the author for touching on enough subjects that I know nothing about, to light my intellectual curiosity. I have to redeem myself somehow. I have to learn something to compensate for the brain cells the series killed off.

Remember the real-life cray cray I mentioned? This isn't the actual text convo I had with my husband but it's the general gist:

Me: "I was just at the Farmers market stall, picking out items from the stall. An old couple just about attacked me over a chicken."

Him: "What? Why?"

Me: "I don't know. They weren't near it. They were standing back from the stall talking to each other when I approached. I couldn't understand a word they were saying but then there was spitting and hands flailing in my direction."

Him: "What did you do?"

Me: "I made devil horns with my fingers and stuck my tongue out at them. What do you think I did? I smiled at them, rolled my eyes at the cashier when I turned my back on them, bought my chicken and ran."

Him: "Oh. Well, at least you're away from them now right?"

Me: "True. But now, there's a flock of shoplifters being chased around me by a security guard."

Him: "Where the hell are you?!"

Me: "The grocery store. I have no idea what's going on. I just want to get my groceries and go home now."


And ladies and gentlemen, that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's a crazy world out there. Please tell me I'm not the only person this stuff happens to.

7 comments:

  1. I love dreams and their randomness!



    Your shopping trips seem more exciting than mine... which isn't to say I've not had similar craziness going on around me, just generally not when shopping. I can't think of any examples right now, though, so I'm probably not that reassuring that it's not just you.

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  2. uhm... yeah, only you, Rachel ;) I am happy to avoid any kind of crazy! Though my dreams can be super crazy sometimes!

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  3. I want to dog sit for a nice vampire couple. Maybe. I do love puppies.


    So now I need to ask - it was packaged chicken, right? Because up until the end I was for some reason thinking you meant the old people didn't want you to have a live chicken. Then I imagined they needed it for a voodoo ritual for sacrificing. Didn't the grocery store have more chicken than what you purchased?

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  4. You know, if it'd at least been a live chicken I could see the outrage maybe. But it was your normal, run of the mill, dead, featherless, packaged chicken; meant for the cooking and the eating and that kind of stuff. It was the last whole chicken but there were more types of chicken available. Go figure.

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  5. Truly, I do like me some boring. I won't even get into the gent, who was a total stranger, who showed off his rashy, pimply and ridiculously hairy, hairy underparts this weekend. At least on that one, I know I wasn't the only one who's eyeballs were scarred by the experience.

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  6. Seriously, I've seen more ridiculous behavior just while trying to acquire food than I care to be a part of. You know how a gathering of birds will break apart and fly off if something (like a dog or kid) runs up to them making too much noise? That's what these shoplifters reminded me of. It truly looked like a mother had trained her near adult children to help her shop lift, pack style. It was so random and confusing to be in the middle of.

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