Silent Almost A Year

Earlier in the week I blogged about some issues floating around which have caused neglect of my blog, causing me some unusual stress, and how I choose to deal with it all. It's time to tackle the issue head on and share with everyone. 

I'm going to protect the identity of those involved because that's what I would want if I were in the situation. Let's just spit it out. 

It's like a dirty word almost isn't it?

It's as if society has attached a stigma to it that sullies even the victims of abuse. People who are affected by it walk around ashamed to admit they've been abused because they risk being shunned, pitied, or abandoned for it.

Emotional and verbal abuse are just as terrible and insidious as physical abuse. Too often I've watched people shrug off, dismiss or disregard emotional and verbal abuse. They don't leave visible physical damage on people so some people feel like it can't be that bad.

These two more subtle forms of abuse poison us.While physical abuse is a visible threat, the other is a threat to the mind and soul and eventually over time wears your body down, poisons you, and your life from the inside out. It makes life feel like it's not worth living....

Someone I know found themselves in a relationship of this nature for almost a year. My friend who is normally a very self-possessed, intellectual, funny and strong willed individual found themselves buried deep in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. The abuser was entrenched in their lives the same way a tick burrows into the skin.

From my own experience and observing this most recent brush from someone else's perspective I'd like to share some warning signs and tips for everyone.

Isolation. If you find yourself in a relationship where the significant other isn't willing to integrate into activities with your already established long term friend group be wary.

Silence. It's not alright if you try to speak and are constantly told: "Shhh shhhh!" or "Shut your pie hole. There you go again running your mouth about something you know nothing about."

 Mental Games. When someone tries to shake your confidence in your intelligence, patronizes you on a daily basis, or makes derogatory statements about you privately or in front of others constantly, it undermines your self-confidence and makes you feel vulnerable and insecure.

Punishment. No relationship is a healthy one if someone feels the need to punish you because things don't work out to their ideal planned scenario.

When taken out of context these things seem so straight forward and obvious. When we're dealing in reality where these perhaps unwitting abusers are loving, doting, and affectionate in the beginning and at other points throughout the relationship, these things become murky and difficult to separate out.

If you find yourself no longer the person you know yourself to be or a friend becoming 1/10th of the person they once were because of a relationship they've found themselves in, get help. With support we can get ourselves out of these situations. With support our friends can be self assured enough to stand up for themselves and break free. If family and friends aren't enough or available, register with your nearest Domestic Violence Shelter. They will have information, contacts and resources to help.

{All images created by me}