If Only I Were That Clever

I have wracked my brain trying to come up with a clever title for this post. Something that rolls off the tongue and inspires people to grab the day with both hands, with joy in their heart, and a smile on their face. However, I'm just not that clever. I can't for the life of me figure out a word that rhymes with "Mallorca" or "Tourist destination specifically designed to make me wet myself in awe, wonder, and terror." Anyone got any catchy titles for either of those? If you do, hit me up. I'll totes give you credit. 

Remember when we talked about how badly my family needed a vacation? Well, it totally happened.

Hello Mallorca, Spain. You're so pretty. Pretty, warm and sunny. You have nice wonderful roads that remind me of being back in the States. Their smooth pothole free surfaces were such a joy to travel on. (Yeah, I'm looking at you England. You know what I'm talking about. I'm half tempted to go outside and take a picture of my street's surface just so my readers can understand, but I'll save both of us the embarrassment.) Yes, Mallorca. Your sexy, smooth, wide, right-hand driving roads lulled me into a blissful state of complacency. Your tourist sites tantalized us with fabulously crafted advertisements about once in a life-time views. And when we got our exploring hats on, you went and did this to us.

Stunning view, isn't it? Yeah, I thought so too.

I mean, I wasn't so thrilled about the crazy sheer drop on the other side of that AMAZINGLY thin metal guard rail, that sat beyond the non-existent shoulder, but that view was absolutely breath taking. Positive mental attitude, right? Exploring adventure powers activate! Enjoy! Hoo-yah! (Is it normal to have to give yourself a pep-talk on vacation? Oooh, I'm sure everything'll be fine.)

And sure, there were an INSANE number of cyclists on this road and the person who designed this road seemed flat out obsessed with blind corners and switch backs. But, those cyclists were tons of fun to try and navigate around. Nooo, that is not sarcasm in my voice. I live for the times I'm a passenger in a car ride that makes me feel like I'm in a live version of Mario-Kart. And is it my imagination or did the road just shrink? I mean, can our car even fit in our lane anymore? No? Huh.  Hahahahahaha. Oh no. I can't stop the nervous laughter. Hehehehehehehe...

How are these tiny little rock wall things on the side of the road supposed to stop us from falling to our deaths? How?! I mean, I'm glad they're there because sometimes they're not and that's just so scary but - Ooooo pretty water. Did the road somehow just get even narrower?? Why are we doing this again? Oh right! We're trying to get here:

Cap De Formenta

You'll have to excuse the composition of the photos. To be perfectly, embarrassingly honest, I was having a hard time looking out the window let alone through the viewfinder of the camera. But then, I made myself take a deep breath, pull on my big girl pants, and take a proper photo. 

me: "For my readers!"

My 16 year old daughter: "Seriously Mom, I don't think my ass can pucker any tighter than it is right now."

My 7 year old son: "I think we're going to die here. Well, if we gotta go, at least we're doing something cool."

Me: "Is it just me or is the road managing to get narrower every time I blink?"

My husband: "I 'm seriously starting to think I want to turn around now."

Me: "Yeah? That's cool. Sure. I think our car is longer than the road is wide. I'm not sure we CAN turn around."

My 5 year old son: "Hahahaaha! Goats! Look everybody! There are goats out there!"

And now we know who designed the roads.

Eventually, we made it to the top.

I promise, even the 16 year old made it. She's the one holding the camera. It has occurred to me though, that if you're in a place that it's natural for goats to hang out, you probably aren't meant to be there. Thankfully, there was a cafe at the top that allowed us to recoup, make some last minute additions to our wills, and reflect on our loved ones whom we might never see again. I think we had some stuff to eat and drink, but that part's a blur. I assume I was in shock at this point. You see, I knew we had to get back down that same road. That same, terrifying road, with it's crazy sheer drops with sections of missing guardrails. Like this one:

 I didn't even know what I was taking a picture of really. By this time, I was just holding up the camera, aiming it at the window, and clicking while I stared at my wonderful husbands face. I just couldn't handle looking out when there was no guardrail.

This is the perfect example of one of the switchbacks. Those cars on the side of the road? They're not coming up. They're parked. What's left of the room on the road is supposed to be two lanes of opposing traffic. Fun times.

 

There are no two ways about it, the people who live here are tough. "Balls of steel" if you will. I loved our visit though even if it left me with some PTSD and enough new white hair that I'm considering dying it from now on. We got to see some brilliant stuff, learn a lot, and bask in the sun in some gorgeous scenery. What more can you ask for on a vacation?

All photos are property of me. I'm a pretty good sharer so if you need them, just ask, or at least give credit.