Wednesday, March 6, 2013

A Woman's Worth

Maybe it’s just me but sometimes life leaves me feeling like I’m on a super long, scary, mostly out-of-control, roller coaster ride. It’s not the ups and downs that get to me but the whack-a-doo gravity defying twists that leave me feeling like I’m not 100% sure which way is up.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I walk around sporting the “ZOMG EEEeeeeEEEEEeEeeee” roller coaster hair that can only be created with cyclonic wind and extreme g-forces at play or vomit on my shoes. (Alright, so maybe I walk around with the hairdo but I draw the line at vomit shoes. Most of the time.)

What I am saying, is that life often feels like I’m balancing spinning plates on sticks while holding my breath, hoping and praying I don’t drop one. While I’m pulling off this gravity defying act, someone inevitably drops verbal bombs on me. Vicious barbed bands of steel made from judgemental, backhanded, sometimes intentionally vindictive, statements whip on my hidden vulnerabilities about my self-worth.

Do men get a free pass on this? Some people would say they aren’t judged as critically as women; that they’re given more freedom to speak their minds, be assertive, and worry less about their appearance. I would have to disagree with that. Men are often judged on their physical prowess in sports or in bed, earning potential, and an increasing amount of pressure in regards to their appearance as is shown in the rise of men getting voluntary cosmetic procedures.

Being judgemental might be something we can’t totally get away from. It might be something hardwired in us like a survival skill. But perhaps it’s time for us to make a conscious choice to grow beyond our hardwiring and evolve; grow up. Maybe it’s time we all let go of judging each other as much; open our hearts and minds to accept and appreciate people as they are. Valuing each other is one of the most important lessons we can learn for ourselves and our children. Let’s create a world where our children don’t question their worth. Just think, with that kind of freedom and happiness, I might be able to permanently avoid vomit shoes and tame the crazy hair.


  1. Lol, I would wear the vomit shoes proudly.

    But in all seriousness, I do hope things get better within my lifetime. Just the other day I had some guys roll down their truck window and blow an air horn in my face when I was leaving a store. Guess they didn't like how I was carrying my shoes out of Target? I don't even know. I have seen people be mean to Matt, too. Presumably because he is bearded and dresses slightly lumberjack-y (I say that with love)

    It would be nice to someday just be able to juggle all your own junk, though, without piling on that of other people. (PS hope your son is still feeling better. I didn't comment last post, but was very happy to hear he was on the upside)

  2. Thanks Cassy. He's holding his own right now. I'm watching with a wary eye and waiting for specialists to get their acts together and get to some other testing.

    I do think being judgmental may be something we can't 100% stop and possibly we shouldn't stop it 100%. I'm wondering if maybe it's time we re-evaluate how we utilize it in our lives. I also don't think it'd hurt us too much, to try and be a bit more considerate of our actions to others. Things like that air horn incident you describe, make the angry girl I keep trapped deep inside me, wish I carried a bat with me at all times. Their tail lights would've gotten a free make over from me. ;D

  3. Firstly, Rachel, I LOVE THIS POST. That image? priceless.

    Next, I know exactly what you mean. I think I feel the judging more that I'm all green in the hair and not a "normal 9-5 job person." I honestly cannot understand why people don't just open up to the idea that the book cover doesn't match the story. AKA I got a book that I thought was going to be about a band of prostitutes pretending to be detectives, but it turns out, it was just bland, poorly-written mystery with a bunch of medieval sounding words thrown in the mix. ANYWAY, I think it's definitely encouraged in our society to judge. I know I do it automatically, even though I try hard not to. But whatever stereotypes are projected in the media, or what our societal definition of things such as "success," "progress," or even "beauty" really affects how we function and treat others. It's a sad, sad thing,.

  4. Thanks Laura. I do think it's encouraged and glamorized in our society to judge others. There are entire reality or "news" coverage shows designed just for that. I think there's a point to being judgmental. It helps keep us safe when we're assessing potentially dangerous situations or people. However, it's too easy to go too far with it. To take an internal judgement, express it, or use it to shame others on something such as a person's weight, clothing, career (legal ones anyways) choices or yes, even hair color. I think success is an individual thing, as is progress or beauty. I love your green hair and your courage to cut your own path to career success. I'm truly glad I've found your blog and get to see all the things you get into.

  5. I think men are also judged as you say. For instance, women are expected to need time to deal with emotional problems and work places expect you to not be working at 100% and therefore judge you to not be as good as a man - which is rubbish. The equally ridiculous flip side is that men are expected to be able to not need time or whatever to deal with emotional stuff and so are always expected to out-perform women, which is crazy because of course men need time too (someone else somewhere on the internet has written this before, far more eloquently than I. I just can't remember where).

  6. They face an interesting conundrum don't they? "Don't be emotional. Be tough. Get stuff done! Fix everything!" Versus, "Gah! Why are you so insensitive?! Just because I'm trying to talk to you about a problem I'm having at work doesn't mean I need you to fix it for me! I just want to get it off my chest. Just listen and offer me support." And as you point out, they're judged more critically at work. Dividing their attention between family and work obligations can be brutal. I know many a guy who are married and have families, feel real pressure from work to perform at the same pace as single guys without kids, who live at the office. We could all do with a little more understanding, kindness and compassion I think.